Sleep Training Sucks!

Lately I have been, well, rather moody (to put it nice).  I think my hormones are on some crazy whacked out roller coaster and the hills keep getting bigger and bigger.  I think my body, mind and emotions are finally becoming affected by my lack of sleep.  My sweet Jenna is BY FAR the worst sleeper of all my kids.  She shares a room with us and I have spoiled her rotten in the sleep department.  When we brought her home from the hospital, she was an amazing sleeper.  I can honestly say from day 1 I was never up all night with her.  She would wake in her bassinets and I would bring her into bed with me and nurse her and she would go right back to sleep.  When she woke again in the middle of the night, she was already right next to me so she would eat and quickly go back to sleep.  I knew this was against all practical advise and that very soon this "co" sleeping would begin to haunt me as I was creating a little sleep monster.  By 3 months, the monster was in full force.  I moved Jenna into her crib and she would sleep a pretty good stretch from 8:00 p.m. to around 11:30 p.m. and after that, she was up at least every 2 hours.  I would grab her up out of her crib nurse her in my bed and put her back in her crib where she would sleep another hour or so, awake again and we would start the process all over.  Now, I would not trade the bonding that I have had with her by sharing sleep, but now, we are sharing unimaginable exhaustion.  Poor John sleeps in the living room so he can get a good nights sleep.  With my other kids, I used a little "tough love" at around 6 months of age and they have been sleeping like rock stars ever sense.  This little peanut, she is winning the battle in the "tough love" department.  I did some math earlier today and came to the conclusion that I have not slept an entire night in at least 18 months (did not sleep well when I was prego).  18 MONTHS!  No wonder I am  thinking about checking my self into the looney bin.  So, 2 days ago, I dug my life saving sleep manual "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child" off the book shelf and dove in for a reminder course on how to undo all the damage I have done.  Did you know, the longer you wait to train a baby how to sleep, the harder it is?  DUH no crap!  You would think as a mother of 4 children I would have this whole sleep thing figured out (I should be writing the damn book).  Epic fail on my part.  Anyway, we are on day 3 of the "cry it out method" and let me tell you, I have been crying!  I know that I am doing the right thing for both Jenna and myself but good golly it is hard.  It occurred to me yesterday that with this sleep exhaustion I am feeling, Jenna must be feeling the same way.  The first night was rough and I gave in after about an hour and half, now before you freak out, she was not left unattended that whole time.  I set the kitchen timer and check on her every 15 minutes.  I pat her back, give her a bottle of water and try not to let her see I am being a bigger baby than she is.  The 1st night, I ended up nursing her and putting her back in her bed asleep.  She did however wake up 3 more times to feed.  Last night the cycle started again, after 3 good hours of sleep she woke up and was MAD.  Fearful I would give in again, I sent John in to pat her back with strict instructions to " Do not pick her up!."  I knew he failed too when I heard her suddenly calm down (him picking her up) and freaking out again (him putting her back down).  He charges back into the living room stating "You are not making me do that again!"  He felt pretty crappy too.  She settled down after a while and slept until about 4:30 a.m.  That was better than the night before, so I think we are on the right track.  Often times as a mom, I have found that teaching my children a lesson, or in this case a skill as I call it, it is far harder on the parents then it is on the child.  I know that establishing a good sleep pattern at this  age sets the stage for her sleep habits for the rest of her life.  I know that it is as important for her to sleep well, as it is for her to eat well.  And I know that a little "tough love" will go along way and I am hoping that tonight we will make more progress. Who knows, maybe this year I will get a full nights sleep. So if you see me with bigger bags under my eyes than normal it is only because I have been crying like a baby and I think sleep training sucks!